Sparkling Clean

We recently remodeled Kate's bathroom... really the bathroom is used by all of us but it is closest to her room so who can argue that logic?

When Kate takes her glasses off she is pretty much blind.  She actually sleeps in her glasses so she can see the TV or at 2 am when she announces she is going to the bathroom she doesn't fall or trip over the items on the floor in her room.

For at least the last 10 years that I can think of (since we moved into this house and the bathroom off the family room has two shower heads) she and I have showered together.  That way she was safe in the tub - no falls - and she was rinsed well.  The new bathroom gave me the freedom to shower alone!  Happy Dance.

The new shower is ADA accessible with hand grips, a low lip to get in and out and a shower head that can be raised or lowered on a bar. So the new routine is when I am almost done in the shower, I tell Bear (the German Shepherd who feels the need to guard me while I'm in the shower from Norman Bates I assume) to get Kate.  He opens her door and kisses her awake - she comes in and I get out. The shower head can be put on pause and that way the water is always the right temp when she gets in and she is "independent" in the shower now.

I come back in when I'm dressed to give her the final once over to be sure all the bubbles are down the drain, dry her off and help her dress.  This morning when I was toweling her off in the shower, she says to me, "Am I shiny?" with her arms spread wide and a huge smile on her face.  My question - why would you be shiny was answered quickly when she told me she used shampoo on her body to make it all shiny!

You Just Never Know What To Expect!

Kate called me at work today and this was the conversation:

Hi Mom, the policeman needs our home phone number.

Why Kate?

He does – tell me.

Kate, are you with the policeman now?

Yes Mom – I’m not in trouble.

Kate, can I please talk to the policeman?

Sure Mom...

Hello Ma’am, I’m Officer ____ of the Wilmette police department.  Your daughter is fine.  The bus that she was riding was in a minor accident and we are just taking the names and information of the riders as a formality. 

So Kate is fine?

Yes Ma’am she is.

She has a State ID in her purse that has her information on it.  Did she give that to you?

No Ma’am, she didn’t offer that to me.  But she did ask me for my business card so she could call me later.

Why am I not surprised!

Stranger Danger

Kate is gregarious to a fault! This girl would talk to the wall if it would talk back. At 18 months a full assessment was done on Kate and we were told that she would probably never walk or talk and that we should consider an institution setting, for the sake of the family of course. Parents out there – let this be a lesson to you – NEVER LET ANYONE LIMIT YOUR CHILD! For those of you that have the pleasure of knowing Kate, you know that your “ears bleed” after spending time with her she talks so much. In fact when she is not talking – she is talking. You can hear her saying “I’m not talking. I’m being quite. Shhh, not talking”.

My parents live out of town and we were spending the weekend. After a good night sleep by us, this is what my Mom had to say “I didn’t sleep a wink last night. Did you know Kate talks in her sleep all night?” Yes we did, but I guess we were used to it by now.

A very dear friend of mine, Barbara Blasco, wrote a book about her daughter. The Kathryn Blasco Story – It’s a Girl But Will She Live? In there this is what she had to say about Kate and her willingness to be everyone’s friend. We were on a train heading into Chicago to go start the process of guardianship of Kate. “We got off the train and walked up the stairs to the street level. Immediately, Katie turned to the girl walking beside her and asked, “What’s your name?” The girl said, “Lisa.” Cheryl reprimanded Katie and said, “I told you not to talk to strangers.” Katie answered, “She’s not a stranger. I know her. Her name is Lisa.” Her comment cracked us up.”

On the upside of her talking to anyone or anything - all the time, is she makes a great person to ask for donations.  We were at Walmart one Saturday collecting money for the Knights of Columbus and you can be sure no one got past Kate going in or coming out!

  

We were ever so grateful to the car industry when they installed window locks on vehicles. There was a time when we would go through a list of reminders to Kate when pulling up to a stop and pedestrians were on the sidewalk. I remember a it was raining and we were stopped by a train, before the automatic window locks.  Kate rolls down her window and asks the man standing on the sidewalk if he wants a ride.  “My Mom will give you a ride" she says. I am frantically trying to reach over her to yell “not really” and roll up her window - finally the train moves on.

Another time we saw a girl on the corner of a back street to Walmart on a very hot day.  She was standing at the corner like waiting for a bus- at not a bus stop. After the trip to Walmart she was still standing there.  A very large women, dressed in black on a hot day. This was a time I allowed Kate to roll down her window and offer a ride. Sure enough she was waiting for a bus – at not a bus stop - to take her to the train station.  Well, I do know where the train station is, so we did give her a ride.  Of course she and Kate exchanged phone numbers.  

We were in the store the other day and the lady behind us struck up a conversation with Kate.  She told us she used to work for NSSRA and was looking for a job. I proceeded to tell her of the different programs Kate is involved in and she even knew several of the staff members we mentioned.  Hopefully we helped her - Maybe it's not such a bad thing to talk to strangers... after all, her name was Karen, so now we know her!

Oh The Lessons We Learn

Maybe a better name for my blog would have been  "Lessons From Kate."  She has taught our family - and many others so many lessons over the years.  Just this last weekend I learned another one, about forgiveness.

Kate attends a wonderful program called Our Place.  Their mission  is to support teens and adults with developmental disabilities so that they can live meaningful, productive, socially connected lives in their home community.  You will notice in their mission statement, this population is referred to as adults and teens first.  In other words they are people who have a disability.  First and foremost, they are people.  Even if Kate can't really read or write, drive a car, pick out the seasonally appropriate clothing, she is a person; a person -like you and me - who has emotions.  



I wasn't there Saturday night, but staff pulled me aside when I picked her up and told me that Dick had been really mean to Kate, and then Jane joined in and they were so mean to Kate that she was crying... really hard.  Staff handled the situation and by the time we got there Dick and Jane were like Hi Kate's Mom to me, and Kate came bounding down the stairs full of stories about Karaoke night and singing High School Musical songs.  Dick was asking when he and Kate could go see a movie.  

I didn't bring it up to her that night because to be honest, my heart was broken for her... for many reasons. One-I wasn't there to protect her. I'm the Mom, that is my job!  For two- I had to wrap my head around the fact that the kids who are teased all their lives for being different - tease and make fun of people too.  Really? Of anyone, I would think they knew what that felt like and wouldn't put that pain on anyone else.  But then you have remember, first and foremost, they are people.

In less than two hours, Kate's heart had evidently been broken, mended and the situation was forgiven and forgotten.  How many of us can say that?  How many of us aren't speaking to a family member for a word said that hurt our feelings?  How many of us have hurt someone and not asked to be forgiven? Kate, and others like her, experience life in a lot of the same ways we do, but their perspectives are different.  I  often wish mine was more like hers.

I did ask her this morning if she wanted to talk about what happened last night that made her cry.  Her response to me - No, we apologized.  What's for breakfast?  Just like that - it was over for her.  For me, I will think it about it for a long time I'm sure - and worry about her, but that is my job.  Her job is to share the joy - and she is doing it very well.